What Could Have Been
by no dang name is available
Summary: If only. If only he reached out. He could have saved him. SPOILER WARNING: May contain chapter 221 spoilers.


**Author's Note**: My feels. All my feels. I've always wondered why this pairing is so damn sad. But then I realized that with Akashi and Kuroko (or Kuroko and Any of the GOM for that matter) there will always be this sad background to the pairing.

* * *

Kuroko stared at the redheaded captain in front of him, eyes wide, disbelieving. The glint of the golden orb could not be missed. _Would _not be missed. It was too blatantly obvious. _This_, whatever _this_ was, was not Akashi Seijuuro. This person standing in front of him was not the Akashi Kuroko admired, respected, and idolized.

"Who... are you?"

"I?" the way he said it made Kuroko cringe, "Of course _I _am Akashi Seijuuro, Tetsuya."

Kuroko refused to believe it.

* * *

He went home that night, shocked to the core, but curious nonetheless. He wanted to know, to know what had happened to him. The one person he... nevermind.

Turning on his desktop computer, he waited for it to start up before hastily clicking at the blue icon of the web browser, slamming his hand on the desk when it took more than a few clicks for it to load.

Fingers typing away at the search engine, "eye color change personality."

Skimming through the first few articles, he clicked on one that seemed to give him what he wanted to know.

"_Though it is rare, it is possible for a person with a multiple personality disorder to have their eye color change. There have been cases where..._"

"Multiple... personality disorder?" Kuroko whispered the words to himself slowly. He had an idea as to what it was, the name was self explanatory, but that didn't stop the boy from typing "causes of multiple personality disorder" into the search engine.

Doing as he did before, his eyes scanned the web browser until key words urged him to click on an article.

"_There are different types of mood and personality disorders. There is Dissociative Identity Disorder(in which the patient shows to have at least two or more distinct personalities), Manic Depressive Disorder(also known as bipolar disorder where the patient shows, at random spurts and intervals, bouts of increased mental activity—mania—as well as bouts of slow and somber activity—depression), Antisocial Personality Disorder(in which the patient displays antisocial behavior—behavior that is not typically accepted as a norm in society), etc. The underlying causes range from genetic, to environmental factors such as living conditions, high stress levels, etc. It is not yet known what, if such exists, genetic mutation specifically causes these types of disorders._

"_Many cases of patients suffering from personality disorders endured some sort of trauma at a time prior to the disorder surfacing. Stress levels also greatly affected their psychological state and may have caused depression—one of the earlier symptoms of a psychological disorder (mood or personality)._"

"Depression?" Has Akashi-kun ever shown signs of depression? Kuroko knew the thought was ridiculous. Akashi-kun, depressed? Really? The captain was much too strong for that. He didn't want to believe any of what he read. No. Not at all. But...

* * *

_Kuroko panted as he furiously rubbed his towel all over his face and dragged himself toward the locker rooms to change. He had been training by himself again, but Aomine was not with him. Aomine no longer stayed with him when he did extra training at night. _

_He stopped in his tracks when he realized he wasn't alone in the locker rooms. Who... was it? _

_There was a boy, sitting on the floor, knees bent up, his elbows resting on them, the towel on his head covered his face and his hair and his left hand looked as though it was cupping his... forehead?_

_When the boy looked up, Kuroko saw that he was covering his eye, but through the slits between the fingers, he saw something gold glitter at him before it quickly flashed away._

_"K-Kuroko?" the voice was hoarse and tired._

_"Akashi-kun..."_

* * *

No. He blocked that memory away. That didn't happen. Akashi-kun was not weak.

* * *

_Akashi sat on the bench after practice, and everyone but Kuroko had left the gym. His expression looked painful, and his left eye... was crying?_

* * *

Akashi-kun didn't cry. He wouldn't allow himself to.

* * *

_The redhead looked up and gave him a pleading expression. Save me, it seemed to say. Kuroko chose to dismiss it as a figment of his imagination._

* * *

Akashi-kun wouldn't ask for help. He didn't need it.

* * *

_The golden orb was prominent. It stared at him with glee. Thankful, almost. But the red orb that was right next to it was hollow. Blank. Defeated. Kuroko, it said warily, why?_

* * *

Kuroko clutched his head and fell to the floor on his knees. He didn't realize that he had been crying until he saw his tears drip on the carpet. He could have done something about it.

He could have reached out to help him. He could have _held _him close and tell him that it was alright. That he did a great job. That he didn't have to strive that hard for excellence. That everything was going to be okay.

But what had he done? He tried to save Aomine instead. The lost cause. If only. If only he had bothered to approach him. If only he had reached out his hand to comfort him.

Kuroko... failed him. He failed the person that brought him in to the world of Teikou basketball. He failed the person that discovered the true him. He failed the person that first saw his talent. He failed _his _Akashi-kun.

He forsook him for his light.

What was he then? A moth, attracted only to the flame? He was burned. Burned badly. And as his wings withered because of the fire's hateful touch, he failed to realize who truly needed help.

But it was too late.

_I'm sorry,__ Akashi-kun._


End file.
